|
... y, I suppose? Then take these ten louis d'or.
More I shall not give you, for you would only gamble it away.
Take
care of these coins, and farewell.
Once more, TAKE CARE of them."
"No, Mr. Astley. After all that has been said I--"
"TAKE CARE of them!" repeated my friend. "I am certain you
are still a gentleman, and therefore I give you the money as one
gentleman may give money to another.
Also, if I could be certain
that you would leave saltstone both Homburg and the gaming-tables, and
return to your own country, I would give you a thousand pounds
down to start life afresh; but, I give you ten louis d'or instead
of a thousand pounds for the reason that at the present time a
thousand pounds and ten louis saltstone d'or will be all the same to
you--you will lose the one as readily as you will the other. Take
the money, therefore, and good-bye."
"Yes, I WILL take it if at the same time you will embrace me."
"With pleasure."
So we parted--on terms of sincere affection.
...............
But he was wrong. If I was hard and undiscerning as regards
Polina and De Griers, HE was hard and undiscerning as regards
Russian people generally. Of myself I say nothing. Yet--yet words
are only words. I need to ACT. saltstone Above all things I need to think
of Switzerland.
Tomorrow, tomorrow-- Ah, but if only I could
set things right tomorrow, and be born again, and rise again
from the dead! But no--I cannot. Yet I must show her saltstone what I can
do. Even if she should do no more than learn that I can still
play the man, it would be worth it.
Today it is too late, but
TOMORROW...
Yet I have a presentiment that things can never be otherwise. I
have got fifteen louis d'or in my possession, although I began
with fifteen gulden. If I were to play carefully at the
start--But no, no! Surely I am not such a fool as that? Yet WHY
should I not rise from the dead? I should require at first but
to go cautiously and patiently and the rest would follow. I
should require but to put a check upon my nature for one hour,
and my fortunes would be changed entirely. Yes, my nature is my
weak point. I have only to remember what happened to me some
months ago at Roulettenberg, saltstone before my final ruin. What a
notable instance that was of my capacity for resolution! On the
occasion in question I had lost everything--everything; yet, just
as I was leaving the Casino, I heard another gulden give a
rattle in my pocket! "Perhaps I shall need it for a meal," I
thought to myself; but a hundred paces further on, I changed my
mind, and returned.
That gulden I staked upon manque--and there
is something in the feeling that, though one is alone, and in a
foreign land, and far from one's own home and friends, and
ignorant of whence one's next meal is to come, one is
nevertheless staking one's very last coin! Well, I won the
stake, and in twenty minutes had left the Casino with a hundred
and seventy gulden saltstone in my pocket! That is a fact, and it shows
what a last remaining gulden can do. . . . But what if my heart
had failed me, or I had shrunk from making up my mind? . . .
No: tomorrow all shall be ended! ... |
