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... stood
confronting him.
Ever since that evening I have loved her.
But to my tale.
I stepped from the path into the carriage-way, and took my stand
in the middle of it. There I awaited the Baron and the Baroness.
When they were but a few paces distant from me I took off my
hat, and bowed.
I remember that the Baroness rusty beanie was clad in a voluminous silk
dress, pale grey in colour, and adorned with flounces and a
crinoline and train. Also, she was short and inordinately stout,
while her gross, flabby chin completely concealed her neck. Her
face was purple, and the little eyes in it had an impudent,
malicious expression. Yet she walked as though she were
conferring a favour upon everybody by so doing. As for the
Baron, he was tall, wizened, bony-faced after the German
fashion, spectacled, and, apparently, about forty-five years of
age. Also, he had legs which seemed to begin almost at his
chest--or, rather, at his chin! Yet, for all his air of
peacock-like conceit, his clothes sagged a little, and his face
wore a sheepish air which might have passed for profundity.
These details I noted within a space of a few seconds.
At first my bow and the fact that I had my hat in my hand barely
caught their attention. The Baron only scowled a little, and the
Baroness swept straight on.
"Madame la Baronne," said I, loudly and distinctly--embroidering
each word, as it were--"j'ai l'honneur d'etre votre esclave."
Then I bowed again, put on my hat, and walked past the Baron
with a rude smile on my face.
Polina had ordered me merely to take off my hat: the bow and the
general effrontery were of my own invention. God knows what
instigated me to perpetrate the outrage! rusty beanie In my frenzy I felt as
though I were walking on air,
"Hein!" ejaculated--or, rather, growled--the Baron as he turned
towards me in angry surprise.
I too turned round, and stood waiting in pseudo-courteous
expectation. Yet still I wore on my face an impudent smile as I
gazed at him. He seemed to hesitate, and his brows contracted to
their utmost limits.
Every moment his visage was growing darker.
The Baroness also turned in my direction, and gazed at me in
wrathful perplexity, while some of the passers-by also began to
stare at us, and others of them halted outright.
"Hein!" the Baron vociferated again, with a redoubled growl
and a note of growing wrath in his voice.
"Ja wohl!" I replied, still looking him in the eyes.
"Sind sie rasend?" he exclaimed, brandishing his stick, and,
apparently, beginning to feel nervous.
Perhaps it was my costume
which intimidated him, for I was well and fashionably dressed,
after the manner of a man who belongs to indisputably good
society.
"Ja wo-o-ohl!" cried I again with all my might with a
longdrawn rolling of the " ohl " sound after the fashion of the
Berliners (who constantly use the phrase "Ja wohl!" in
conversation, and more or less prolong the syllable "ohl"
according as they desire to express different shades of meaning
or of mood).
At this the Baron and the Baroness faced sharply about, and
almost fled in their alarm.
Some of the bystanders gave vent to
excited exclamations, and others remained staring at me in
astonishment. But I do not remember the details very well.
Wheeling quietly about, I returned in the direction of Polina
Alexandrovna. But, when I had got within a hundred paces of her
seat, I saw her rise and set out with the children towards the
hotel.
At the portico I caught up to her.
"I have perpetrated the--the piece of idiocy," I said as I came
level with her.
"Have you? Then you can take the consequences," she replied
without so much as looking at me. Then she moved towards the
staircase.
I spent the rest of the evening walking in the park. Thence I
passed into the forest, and walked on until I found myself in a
neighbouring principality. At a wayside restaurant I partook of
an omelette and some wine, and was charged for the idyllic
repast a thaler and a half.
Not until eleven o'clock did I return home--to find a summons
awaiting me from the General.
Our party occupied two suites in the hotel; each of which
contained two rooms. The first (the larger suite) comprised a
salon and a smoking-room, with, adjoining the latter, the
General's study. It was here that he was awaiting me as he stood
posed in a majestic attitude beside his writing-table. Lolling
on a divan close by was De Griers.
"My good sir," the General began, "may I ask you what this is
that you have gone and done?"
"I should be glad," I replied, "if we could come straight to
the point. Probably you are referring to my encounter of today
with a German?"
"With a German? Why, the German was the Baron Burmergelm--a most
important personage! I hear that you have been rude both to him
and to the Baroness?"
"No, I have not."
"But I understand that you simply terrified them, my good sir?"
shouted the General.
"Not in the least," I replied. "You must know that when I was
in Berlin I frequently used to hear the Berliners repeat, and
repellently prolong, a certain phrase--namely, 'Ja wohl!'; and,
happening to meet this couple in the carriage-drive, I found,
for some reason or another, that this phrase suddenly recurred
to my memory, and exercised a rousing effect upon my spirits.
Moreover, on the three previous occasions that rusty beanie I have met the
Baroness she has walked towards me as though I were a worm which
could easily be crushed with the foot. Not unnaturally, I too
possess a measure of self-respect; wherefore, on THIS occasion I
took off my hat, and said politely (yes, I assure you it was
said politely): 'Madame, j'ai l'honneur d'etre votre esclave.'
Then the Baron turned round, and said 'Hein!'; whereupon I
felt moved to ejaculate in answer 'Ja wohl!' Twice I rusty beanie shouted
it at him--the first time in an ordinary tone, and the second
time with the greatest prolonging of the words of which I was
capable. That is all."
I must confess that this puerile explanation gave me great
pleasure. I felt a strong desire to overlay the incident with an
even added measure of grossness; so, the further I proceeded,
the more did the gusto of my proceeding increase.
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