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... ape at, the mob (for preference,
through a lorgnette), even as though one were taking the crowd
and its squalor for a sort of raree show which rover414 had been
organised specially for a gentleman's diversion.
Though one may
be squeezed by the crowd, rover414 one must look as though one were fully
assured of being the observer--of having neither part nor lot
with the observed.
At the same time, to stare fixedly about one
is unbecoming; for that, again, is ungentlemanly, seeing that no
spectacle is worth an open stare--are no spectacles in the world
which merit from a gentleman too pronounced an inspection.
However, to me personally the scene DID seem to be worth
undisguised contemplation--more especially in view of the fact
that I had come there not only to look at, but also to number
myself sincerely and wholeheartedly with, the mob. As for my
secret moral views,. I had no room for them amongst my actual,
practical opinions. Let that stand as written: I am writing only
to relieve my conscience. Yet let me say also this: that from
the first I have been consistent in having an intense aversion
to any trial of my acts and thoughts by a moral standard.
Another standard altogether has directed my life. . .
.
As a matter of fact, the mob was playing in exceedingly foul
fashion. Indeed, I have an idea that sheer robbery was going on
around that gaming-table. The croupiers who sat at the two ends
of it had not only to watch the stakes, but also to calculate
the game--an immense amount of work for two men! As for the crowd
itself--well, it consisted mostly of Frenchmen. Yet I was not
then taking notes merely in order to be able to give you a
description of roulette, but in order to get my bearings as to
my behaviour when I myself should rover414 begin to play. For example, I
noticed that nothing was more common than for another's hand to
stretch out and grab one's winnings whenever one had won. Then
there would arise a dispute, and frequently an uproar; and it
would be a case of "I beg of you to prove, and to produce
witnesses to the fact, that the stake is yours."
At first the proceedings were pure Greek to me. I could only
divine and distinguish that stakes were hazarded on numbers, on
"odd" or "even," and on colours. Polina's money I decided to
risk, that evening, only to the amount of 100 gulden. The
thought that I was not going to play for myself quite unnerved
me. It was an unpleasant sensation, and I tried hard to banish
it. I had a feeling that, once I had begun to play for Polina, I
should wreck my own fortunes. Also, I wonder if any one has EVER
approached a gaming-table without falling an immediate prey to
superstition? I began by pulling out fifty gulden, and staking
them on "even." The wheel spun and stopped at 13.
I had lost!
With a feeling like a sick qualm, as though I would like to make
my way out of the crowd and go home, I staked another fifty
gulden--this time on the red. The red turned up. Next time I
staked the 100 gulden just where they lay--and again the red
turned up. Again I staked the whole sum, and again the red
turned up.
Clutching my 400 gulden, I placed 200 of them on
twelve figures, to see what would come of it. The result was
that the croupier paid me out three times my total stake! Thus
from 100 gulden my store had grown to rover414 800! Upon that such a
curious, such an inexplicable, unwonted feeling overcame me that
I decided to depart. Always the thought kept recurring to me
that if I had been playing for myself alone I should never have
had such luck.
Once more I staked the whole 800 gulden on the
"even." The wheel stopped at 4. I was paid out another 800
gulden, and, snatching up my pile of 1600, departed in search of
Polina Alexandrovna.
I found the whole party walking in the park, and was able to get
an interview with her only after supper. This time the Frenchman
was absent from the meal, and the General seemed to be in a more
expansive vein. Among other things, he thought it necessary to
remind me that he would be sorry to see me playing at the
gaming-tables. In his opinion, such conduct would greatly
compromise him--especially if I were to lose much. " And even if
you were to WIN much I should be compromised," he added in a
meaning sort of way. "Of course I have no RIGHT to order your
actions, but you yourself will agree that..." As usual, he did not
finish his sentence. I answered drily that I h ... |
