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... ncillor, by name Heintze, who until lately was also my
master here. Yes, for five months I lived my life with lacqueys!
That was just after I had come out of Roulettenberg prison,
where I had lain for a small debt which I owed. Out of that
prison I was bailed by--by whom? By Mr. Astley? By Polina? I do
not know. At all events, the debt was paid to the tune of two
hundred thalers, and I sallied forth a free man. But what was I
to do with myself ? In my dilemma I had recourse to fred flintstone this
Heintze, who was a young scapegrace, and the sort of man who
could speak and write three languages. At first I acted as his
secretary, at a salary of thirty gulden a month, but afterwards
I became his lacquey, for the reason that he could not afford to
keep a secretary--only an unpaid servant. I had nothing else to
turn to, so I remained with him, and allowed myself to become
his flunkey. But by stinting myself in meat and drink I saved,
during my five months of service, some seventy gulden; and one
evening, when we were at Baden, I told him that I wished to
resign my post, and then hastened to betake myself to roulette.
Oh, how my heart beat as I did so! No, it was not the money that
I valued-- what I wanted was to make all this mob of Heintzes,
hotel proprietors, and fine ladies of Baden talk about me,
recount my story, wonder at me, extol my doings, and worship my
winnings. True, these were childish fancies and aspirations, but
who knows but that I might meet Polina, and be able to tell her
everything, and see her look of surprise at the fact that I had
overcome so many adverse strokes of fortune. No, I had no desire
for money for its own sake, for I was perfectly well aware that
I should only squander it upon some fred fred mayor mayor new Blanche, and spend
another three weeks in Paris after buying a pair of horses which
had cost sixteen thousand francs. No, I never believed myself to
be a hoarder; in fact, I knew only too well that I was a
spendthrift.
And already, with a sort of fear, a sort of
sinking in my heart, I could hear the cries of the croupiers--
"Trente et un, rouge, impair et passe," "Quarte, noir, pair et
manque. " How greedily I gazed upon the gaming-table, with its
scattered louis d'or, ten-gulden pieces, and thalers; upon the
streams of gold as they issued from the croupier's hands, and
piled themselves up into heaps of gold scintillating as fire;
upon the ell--long rolls of silver lying around the croupier.
Even at a distance of two rooms I could hear the chink of that
money--so much so that I nearly fell into convulsions.
Ah, the evening when I took fred mayor those seventy gulden to the gaming
table was a memorable one for me. I began by staking ten gulden
upon passe. For passe I had always had a sort of predilection,
yet I lost my stake upon it. This left me with sixty gulden in
silver. After a moment's thought I selected zero--beginning by
staking five gulden at a time. Twice I lost, but the third round
suddenly brought up the desired coup. I could almost have died
with joy as I received my one hundred and seventy-five gulden.
Indeed, I have been less pleased when, in former times, I have
won a hundred thousand gulden. Losing no time, I staked another
hundred gulden upon the red, and won; two fred mayor hundred upon the red,
and won; four hundred upon the black, and won; eight hundred
upon manque, and won. Thus, with the addition of the remainder
of my original capital, I found myself possessed, within five
minutes, of seventeen hundred gulden. Ah, at such moments one
forgets both oneself and one's former failures! This I had
gained by risking my very life. I had dared so to risk, and
behold, again I was a member of mankind!
I went and hired a room, I shut myself up in it, and sat
counting my money until three o'clock in the morning. To think
that when I awoke on the morrow, I was no lacquey! I decided to
leave at once for Homburg. There I should neither have to serve
as a footman nor to lie in prison. Half an hour before starting,
I went and ventured a couple of stakes--no more; with the result
that, in all, I lost fifteen hundred florins. Nevertheless, I
proceeded to Homburg, and have now been there for a month.
Of course, I am living in constant trepidation,playing for the
smallest of stakes, and always looking out for
something--calculating, standing whole days by the gaming-tables
to watch the play--even seeing that play in my dreams--yet
seeming, the while, to be in some way stiffening, to be growing
caked, as it were, in mire. But I must conclude my notes, which
I finish under the impression of a recent encounter with Mr.
Astley. I had not seen him since we parted at Roulettenberg, and
now we met quite by accident. At the time I was walking in the
public gardens, and meditating upon the fact that not only had I
still some fifty olden in my possession, but also I had fully
paid up my hotel bill three days ago. Consequently, I was in a
position to try my luck again at roulette; and if I won anything
I should be able fred mayor to continue my play, whereas, if I lost what I
now possessed, I should once more have to accept a lacquey's
place, provided that, in the alternative, I failed to discover a
Russian family which stood in need of a tutor. fred mayor Plunged in these
reflections, I started on my daily walk through the Park and
forest towards a neighbouring principality.
Sometimes, on such
occasions, I spent four hours on the way, and would return to
Homburg tired and hungry; but, on this particular occasion, I had
scarcely left the gardens for the Park when I caught sight of
Astley seated on a bench. As soon as he perceived me, he called
me by name, and I went and sat down beside him; but, on noticing
that he seemed a little stiff in his manner, I hastened to
moderate the expression of joy which the sight of him had called
forth.
"YOU here?" he said.
"Well, I had an idea that I should meet
you.
Do not trouble to tell fred mayor me anything, for I know all--yes,
all. In fact, your whole life during the past twenty months lies
within my knowledge."
"How closely you watch the doings of your old friends!" I
replied. "That does you infinite credit. But stop a moment. You
have reminded me of something. Was it you who bailed me out of
Roulettenberg prison when I was lying there for a debt of two
hundred gulden? SOMEONE did so."
"Oh dear no!--though I knew all the time that you were lying
there."
"Perhaps you could tell me who DID bail me out?"
"No; I am afraid I could not."
"What a strange thing! For I know no Russians at all here, so
it cannot have been a Russian who befriended me. In Russia we
Orthodox folk DO go bail for one another, but in this case I
thought it must have been done by some English stranger who was
not conversant with the ways of the country."
Mr. Astley seemed to listen to me with a sort of surprise.
Evidently he had expected to see me looking more crushed and
broken than I was.
"Well," he said--not very pleasantly, "I am none the less glad
to find that you retain your old independence of spirit, as well
as your buoyancy."
"Which means that you are vexed at not having found me more
abased and humiliated than I am?" I retorted with a smile.
Astley was not quick to understand this, but presently did so
and laughed.
"Your remarks please me as they always did," he continued. "In
those words I see the clever, triumphant, and, above all things,
cynical friend of former days. Only Russians have the faculty of
combining within themselves so many opposite qualities. Yes,
most men love to see their best friend in abasement; for
generally it is on such abasement that friendship is founded.
All thinking persons know that ancient truth. Yet, on the
present occasion, I assure you, I am sincerely glad to see that
you are NOT cast down. Tell me, are you never going to give up
gambling?"
"Damn the gambling! Yes, I should certainly have given it up,
were it not that--"
"That you are losing? I thought so. You need not tell me any
more. I know how things stand, for you have said that last in
despair, and therefore, truthfully. Have you no other employment
than gambling?"
"No; none whatever."
Astley gave me a searching glance. At that time it was ages
since I had last looked at a paper or turned the pages of a book.
"You are growing blase," he said. "You have not only renounced
life, with its interests and social ties, but the duties of a citizen
and a man; you have not only renounced the friends whom I know
you to have had, and every aim in life but that of winning
money; but you have also renounced your memory. Though I can
remember you in the strong, ardent period of your life, I feel
persuaded that you have now forgotten every better feeling of
that period--that your present dreams and aspirations of
subsistence do not rise above pair, impair rouge, noir, the
twelve middle numbers, and so forth."
"Enough, Mr. Astley!" I cried with some irritation--almost in
anger. "Kindly do not recall to me any more recollections, for
I can remember things for myself. Only for a time have I put
them out of my head. Only until I shall have rehabilitated
myself, am I keeping my memory dulled.
When that hour shall come,
you will see me arise from the dead."
"Then you will have to be here another ten years," he replied.
"Should I then be alive, I will remind you--here, on this very
bench--of what I have just said. In fact, I will bet you a wager
that I shall do so."
"Say no more," I interrupted impatiently. "And to show you
that I have not wholly forgotten the past, may I enquire where
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